a lack of physical actions leads to far too many thoughts of me, & you, and something like "us"

all these words are strenuous and stressful. when it started out care free and fuking easy. reality and simplicity violate each other, in volatile ways, and i'm lost for a way to find how to adhere the two together, so i dont make things worse than better. i need some confirmation, to make some sense of my frustration, but all i get are sweet nothings, and i really feel they are just that; a pile of null promissory notes and pledges, for lack of words that are more poetic. i'm consistently apologizing my agnostic thoughts, and hypocritically seeking out what i've always sought. baby, please i beseech you beg me pardon, and try to see, how i construe what you have said to me. its never as absolute, nor as clear as i would like be. nevertheless the lack of assurance, makes me no less apprehensive, to spew out my heart, fuck it and hence my deficient defenses.

Case Scenario.... here and now.

Before the touch Burns my Memory, and i still Feel Composed. Swirl your cigarette-stained fingertips Inside my Soul. Brand the lids of my eyes, with the Tears that you Cry. Spill your Whispers in my Head. Smude Intercepting shadows on your bedroom floor.

Passing Passion Isn't on the agenda for today. Lightyears down the road... you'll Trace these Memories again. But they Won't Endure what was Never Uttered into sound, Far Away Lost, too Feeble to be Found. These Curves will Pretzel themselves into Our Molds, we'll Still Fit, but Not in the Way we Used to Know.

No one EVER wants to Answer "Why?"

Constricted and Concaved. The Hollowing in my chest Undermines my Spinal cord. Not to Mention the Spiderwebs Smoldering and Weeding their Parasitic silk over and under your Once Always comforting deliveries presented to me on the telephone.

Honesty Loses All definitions in my Censored reserve; Indefinitely placed on the back-burner, 'til i See Reason to Let it burn.

I Swore it Up

& Down.



And i Swear i Didn't Lie.



The Night and the Sunrise Appear likewise, and are Indistinguishable to my Subjective Eyes.



The blade Doesn't Cut as Sharp as i had remembered. My fingernails Bombard the mounds of ashes Carelessly assembled over time. I've Only been here Just a Short while.



I've been Collecting soon-to-be I.O.U.'s to Give Away my heart. But Insufficient amounts of paper and ink that Doesn't bleed as Dark puts my Sincerity on Finicky lines, and my words Undisclosed, Invisibly marked.



How am i to Materialize these things i said, when i Constantly Scream, "Why?" in that Fairytaleistic boy-who-cried-wolf style? Is it Even Why? I even Doubt that. It's the Concoction of "what if's..?" plus "but this.." and "but that..", that Rummage Through my Lips. The ones i am Convinced you Can Read and i Don't Even Try to Hide. But "why's" are so Easy to Disclose, Because No one Has Definite Answers, Nor the Willingness to Give a quarter of a 1/2-assed try to Answer the Hardest Question i've Ever been asked, and will Reiterate.

Why?