a lack of physical actions leads to far too many thoughts of me, & you, and something like "us"

all these words are strenuous and stressful. when it started out care free and fuking easy. reality and simplicity violate each other, in volatile ways, and i'm lost for a way to find how to adhere the two together, so i dont make things worse than better. i need some confirmation, to make some sense of my frustration, but all i get are sweet nothings, and i really feel they are just that; a pile of null promissory notes and pledges, for lack of words that are more poetic. i'm consistently apologizing my agnostic thoughts, and hypocritically seeking out what i've always sought. baby, please i beseech you beg me pardon, and try to see, how i construe what you have said to me. its never as absolute, nor as clear as i would like be. nevertheless the lack of assurance, makes me no less apprehensive, to spew out my heart, fuck it and hence my deficient defenses.